Indians love theatrics and it is no surprise that we have the world’s largest film industry. Bollywood always brings out the patriot in me and I am perpetually planning the next outing for the latest blockbuster- Khan or no Khan, story or no story! But I am hugely amazed at the stiff competition poor old Bollywood has had to face in recent times and that too from much unexpected quarters- Indian politics. Political dramas have captured all the air time leaving no scope for anything else. National leaders as well as regional ones are all competing with each other as scam after scam keeps getting unearthed. It is high time the key members of this play get their due recognition and are aptly felicitated. So welcome to the “Tamaacha Awards” and I would like to take this opportunity to thank the winners for being the inspiration behind the name. I am also very pleased that the old stalwarts like Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mulayam Sigh Yadav are no longer in the reckoning thus paving way for fresh talent!
Tamaacha award for Fashionista of the year: The winner of this award definitely came from behind (yes pun intended) and suddenly become most worthy of this honour. You guessed right, it is Uttar Pradesh’s Behenji, Mayawati. Finally we have our own answer to Imelda Marcos. Just picture Mayawati accepting her award in her Jimmy Choos or Louboutins (whichever she fancies and thus gets planeloads of) and dedicating this award to Julian Assange in her acceptance speech. She did face stiff competition from Didi (Mamta Banerjee for the uninitiated) clad in her white and blue Bata Hawaii Chappals, unfazed by neither the occasion nor the setting.
Tamaacha award for Fastest Thinker of the year: This award has been tailor made for Rahul Baba or Rahul Gandhi as some still call him. If you are not fully convinced about this one- see the chronology of events for yourself. Anna Hazare went on fast for the Jan Lokpal Bill on 7th April 2011 marking the start of this public movement. The government made him a bigger hero by arresting him on 16th August 2011, also the same day when he started his now historic second fast. Rahul Baba finally spoke about this on 26th August amidst much hue and cry, with darling sis sitting in the parliament for moral support, more than 250 hours after the whole nation was gripped in Anna’s frenzy. And when a reporter asked Rahul Baba why he took so long to comment on the situation, he replied like a hero “I want to answer this question. I spoke now because I like to think before I speak”! Wah wah, kudos! He may still become Prime Minister but one thing is for sure- Rahul Gandhi can never endorse Chyawanprash or even brands like Horlicks or Complan.
Tamaacha award for Most Camera Ready Person of the year: The award goes to The Honourable Speaker of the Lok Sabha, Ms Meira Kumar. I salute her for smiling through the turbulent proceedings of our Parliament. MPs screaming, hurtling abuses or mikes, staging walk outs, thumping tables, she manages to paste her smile right on her face. Not once has the camera been able to catch her unawares. Never does her smile falter, even while reprimanding errant members, screeching “Baith Jaiye, Bolne deejiye, Shunya Kaal hai”. Imagine hours and hours of mouthing these very words and still being camera ready with an omnipresent smile! I say we coin a new phrase ‘Meira’s smile’ and replace the more passé ‘Monalisa Smile’. And who would she thank in her acceptance speech- all the ill mannered, shouting, hollering MPs of course!
Tamaacha award for Lame Duck of the Year: Once again the choice is unanimous. The award goes to our most honest and once upon a time quite respected Prime Minister, Shri Manmohan Singh. The filmi character that he currently bears a striking resemblance with is Nirupa Roy from yesteryears. His charitra is as pavitra and he is as laachar as her if not more! From the humongous Rs 1.76 lakh crore ‘2G Spectrum scam’ to the hugely embarrassing Commonwealth games fiasco, from the recent ‘cash for vote scam’ to the inept handling of the Anna Hazare situation he cuts a sorry figure with neither any say nor any power. If the now Tihar elite A Raja, Kanimozhi, Kalmadi are villains, Manmohan is no hero either. And who would he like to thank in his acceptance speech- Madam Sonia Gandhi for being the best puppeteer in the nations’ history.
Tamaacha award for Best Debut of the year: This award goes to Ms Kanimozhi. The “I don’t care if it is day or night, I’m wearing my sunglasses” DMK top honcho Karunanidhi suddenly presented this docile looking woman with a complicated name as his chosen one on the national political scene. Who is she we all asked- she is his youngest daughter from his third (that’s correct!) wife. From being the chief of DMKs wing for ‘Art, Literature and Rationalism’ to mastering the ‘Art of chakki peesing’, this poet has come a long way. Half brothers Stalin and Azagiri must be thanking their stars now that she was the prodigal one! And no prizes for guessing who gets maximum thanks in her acceptance speech- who else but Daddy dearest.
Special Jury Tamaacha award for Luckiest Person of the year: The nominees for this award are all the journalists who have been having a field day with so many scams, revolutions, revelations, allegations, sting campaigns etc etc. This really is the golden era of political journalism. But there can be only one winner and the award goes to Barkha Dutt. Her career is blossoming almost at the same rate as her waistline. Each day brings in its fold a new debacle thus giving her a chance to preach, judge, rebuke, sensationalise and package the news as she pleases and present it to her masala demanding audience. From Kargil to Ram Lila Maidan, she has definitely covered a lot of ground. Needless to say, her heartfelt vote of thanks goes to all the above mentioned winners!
With this we wrap up the first edition of the Tamaacha Awards but our politicians willing, this will definitely not be the last.
